Sara Benincasa is an award-winning comedian, writer and radio talk show host. Her outspoken, sexually-charged comedy has won praise from the Chicago Tribune, CNN, The Guardian, and The New York Times, and has earned her an ECNY (Emerging Comedian of New York) Award and a Webby nomination. She also knows what’s what about politics and scandal, because she’d have to: she’s a comedian.
Meritorious Achievement in The Crazy
O’Donnell wins this one, hard. The other folks in this category are stupid, racist, mean, violent, petty, jealous and/or generally reprehensible. However, they are all of relatively sound mind. Christine O’Donnell is actually a batshit-insane, angel-winged Christmonkey. I went to a taping of “Politically Incorrect with Bill Maher” when I was 14 (it was my favorite show) and I’m so sad that I can’t recall any guest other than John Tesh. I like to think a young Christine O’Donnell was there, sweetly raging against onanism. She also seems like the genuinely nicest of all the nominees. You know why? Because the inside of her brain looks exactly like Willy Wonka’s Chocolate Factory, except with Jesus Christ instead of Gene Wilder. I will never stop loving her.
Unrefudiated Champion of Tea Party Wackiness
Michele Bachmann wins by a landslide of crying stem cells and lecherous homosexuals. She is the circa-1919 Edith Wilson to Sarah Palin’s Woodrow. Palin gets the public credit, but Bachmann is the one who is actually going to bring some of the Tea Party’s pet causes to the House floor. Iott’s just a dorky reenactor (seriously, have none of you people ever been to the South? Have you at least seen “Sweet Home Alabama”?) and though he plays the role of a Nazi in his weirdo LARP games, he doesn’t want to be a Nazi. He’s an actor in a community theatre production that no one ever goes to watch. Angle is a stupid, mean grandma who will die of skin cancer or a coyote attack like everyone else in her wretched state. Paladino is just another unfaithful, homophobic, shit-talking, macho New York Italian douchenozzle with lots of money and zero class. I’m related to seventy dudes who are exactly like him except for the money part. And West just bores me. Bachmann is wackier than all of these subhumans combined.
Most Outrageous Election Season Fib Issued By A Politician
The other nominees may fib, but Blumenthal is a big fucking liar. There are no excuses. There is no way to justify his behavior. He looked into the eyes of guys with PTSD and physical disabilities and bad memories and told them he was one of their brethren. The guy is execrable. I want to kick him in the teeth.
Nominees For Most Over-The-Top Campaign Ad
Carly Fiorina’s magical evil sheep ad is the most beautiful piece of political propaganda I have ever seen. This is little-girl/flower/mushroom cloud-level genius with a Hensonian twist. I felt like I was watching Mummenschanz on “The Muppet Show.”
The George Allen Honors For Best Tracker-Captured Freak-Out
Phil Davison all the way. He will NOT apologize for his tone, and I will NOT apologize for loving him more than I could ever love my own child. The stakes are so low (Stark County, OH Treasurer?!) and the crazy is so high. God bless whoever recorded this freakout and put it on the YouTubes.
Best Scandal — Sex and Generalized Carnality
I find hypocrisy enormously entertaining, which is why I so deeply enjoy the homolicious scandals of evangelical Christian preacher-teachers. George Rekers, you epic liar, you hateful propagandist, you pseudoscientist… you deserve this Golden Duke more than anyone else. Congratulations, jerk.
The folks who got nabbed in the Bell, CA town council scandal are so deliciously, perfectly corrupt. They’re like stock villains in a silent film. I assume they all have long mustaches that they twirl while cackling maniacally (and yes, that includes the ladies charged with misappropriation of public funds.) I love Jeff Gottlieb and Ruben Vives of the LA Times for uncovering this one with good, old-fashioned investigative reporting.
Best Scandal — General Interest
I have to give this one to the RNC’s Young Eagles and their adventures at Voyeur West Hollywood. Ain’t nothing wrong with a little shimmy and shake. That $1,946.25 was the biggest economic benefit the RNC has ever provided to working-class women. I fervently pray that at least one of the strippers used it to fund an abortion.